My adventures in Equestria
by BlackWatchSucks
Summary: I end up in Equestria for no reason. Time to embark on the most awesome and most original adventure.
1. My horrible life and awesome morning

Earth, a place of humanity, a place where everyone has it decent, a place where one is a human and acts like a human, but most of all a place of peace for everyone. Except for one person and one person in particular. That would be me.

Hello, my name is John Smith and I am one of the few people that suffer day to day tragedies. What are these horrifying things you may be thinking? Well there is that one instance where I lost my favourite hat. It was such a terrible crisis that I had to skip my best friend's funeral. His family called me an asshole for some reason and called me a monster even when I told them my very viable excuse. There was another time when Murphy was being an asshole that day and decided to pop my tire on my very awesome car. I ended up borrowing a tire after breaking someone's car and their face. They called the police on me, what a jerk. But the worst of all is when I went to my favourite donut shop and they were out of my usual donuts of choice. I was so angry that I pulled out guns out of nowhere and decided to shot up the place. I got arrested but because I'm so awesome, the judge let my free of charge. But I still didn't get my donuts so I shot up the place.

As you can see my life is horrible. Why can't the universe bend to my whims? Anyway after these tragic accidents I found out about a certain show. This show was called My Little Pony Friendship is Magic. The more I watched it the more I lamented about how awesome it would be to live in Equestria. Friends, Nice weather unlike the weather on earth where it's always dreary, and most of all free donuts. But I knew that this was impossible. Not until that faithful day.

I woke up to the usual weather on this planet. When I went down stairs to get my usual breakfast, there was something different about outside. For some reason there was sun outside which is impossible for this planet. Back to my breakfast I got my usual bread to make my usual buttered toast. As I popped in the bread into the toaster I obliviously missed something important that would be the last epic tragedy I could take. You guys aren't going to believe this. The toaster dial was up to it's maximum power. A few suspicious minutes I got up from watching Friendship is Magic to get my toast. But I noticed that the toast was charred black. This was the last straw.

I put on my royal canterlot voice and screamed to the heavens.

"WHY CAN'T YOU TAKE PITY ON ME.? WHY DO YOU ONLY TARGET ME.? WHY CAN'T I BE LIKE ONE OF THOSE KIDS IN A THIRD WORLD COUNTRY? THEY HAVE IT EASY!" I screamed like a little kid who goes to the mall and doesn't get what he wants.

As I stomped out of my house like I had the rage virus from 28 Days Later I noticed even more things about the great weather. There was a beautiful meadow, trees like you wouldn't believe, little critters that should not be in the same area such as chipmunks and monkeys, and for some reason everything looked like a cartoon. As we all know those don't exist on Earth. I pondered for a moment until it finally clicked in my super genius level mind.

I was in Equestria for some arbitrary, unexplained reason and I brought the whole fucking house that was filled with guns and motor cycles that require no full whatsoever.

"I didn't want to live on that planet any longer and it seems I got my brony wish." I thought. Another thought came to my mind. "WHY DIDN'T WISH FOR MILLIONS OF DONUTS!" I screeched but in a manly way.

"um...is somepony there." said a quiet, shy voice.

**To be continued.**

_Totally original fic I have here._

_My little Pony Friendship is Magic owned by Hasbro_

_But John Smith, That's me._


	2. Manticores are fun

"Who said that." I said to no one in particular. I thought for a while before coming with the idea that it was just the wind messing with me like usual. _Wait a minute_ I thought with my massive amount of knowledge.

_Quiet voice, overuse of the world um, I'm in Equestria for no reason at all, and I'm in a meadow full of life and animals unlike Earth where everything is life less. If logic indicates then it must be either Fluttershy or Chrysalis because she was totally thrown towards the forest and not the desert if all those shipping stories a correct. I'm thinking that it's Fluttershy but I'm not for certain. Maybe Chrysalis is taking the form of Fluttershy and this is all just an excuse to meet Chrysalis._

As I stood there and pondered life's question I heard low pitched growling noises from the shrub. These didn't phase me because I was still thinking this brain buster of a riddle so the low pitched growl turned into a medium pitched growl but I was still thinking. The medium pitched growl finally turned into a high pitched, whiny growl (unlike my voice) and finally got my angry attention. I once again prepared my Royal Canterlot voice and screamed at the thing that doesn't speak or understand English because yelling at stuff that can't yell back makes me feel good about myself.

"SHUT THE BUCK UP YOU GOD DAMN THING! I'M TRYING TO THINK HERE IF IT'S FLUTTERSHY OR CHRYSALIS THAT IS CALLING OUT TO ME! SO PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF CELESTIA, LUNA, DISCORD, CADANCE, AND ANYTHING ELSE THAT IS A GOD LIKE BEING IN THIS UNIVERSE SHUT THE BUCK UP BECAUSE I'M MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOU!"

With that the thing jumped out as if it were in a Micheal Bay movie and revealed itself to be a Manticore. But it wasn't just a Manticore because it had a pack of 20 other Manticores crawl out of the small shrub as if it were a small ass clown car. They all surrounded me and were ready to rip my shit apart but the only thought that came to my head was

_Challenge Accepted. I was getting bored without the mindless violence that I partake in everyday because everything on Earth was out for my blood. True Story._

I felt like initiating the battle so I ran a blistering speeds that would make Rainbow Dashjealous because now I have super speed for no reason and ran behind the first three manticores that were closest to me and grabbed them by the stingers. These certain manticores could only squeal from the sudden grasp on the stingers as I twirled them around like a fly swatter when trying to kill that pesky weasel. Just like the instance with the weasel I got bored quickly and decided to throw them 100 meters in the air because now I have super strength but then again I always had that so nothing changed. As these manticores flew away I wasn't pleased with my performance so I flew up towards them for no reason because I can fly now and used my magic that I acquired because I can and flung them around like Garry's Mod rag dolls. I got bored of this so I pulled a rocket launcher out of my ass and blew them to Tartarus because they were monsters that were following their instincts so them deserve to die.

As I landed I just realized that there were 17 manticores. I didn't feel like fighting them normally because I still had to find out if that voice belonged to Fluttershy or Chrysalis. So my eyes turned red for no reason and I shot a super awesome heat beam that vaporized the remaining 17 manticores. With this experience behind I walked off not thinking twice about my informed abilities because for all the hell I went through on Earth, I deserve these so that I can be even more awesome.

As I travelled around the forest in source of the voice I went into my thinking mode and thought about Fluttershy.

_Fluttershy is best pony because she is so adorable and had some badass moments such as when she stared down a cockatrice. Back on Earth I would always talk about how Fluttershy was awesome and flame, threaten, and murder people if they said otherwise and did not follow my opinion like it were fact. What should I say when I meet her. Unless if it's Chrysalis then that would be wacky but she is not the best villain..._

As I thought and walked like a boss I ran into something. As I looked up what I saw was mind blowing. It was a tall figure encased in stone. It had the head of a goat the had the expression of fear (a feeling that I don't know), two different antlers, the body of a serpent, a talon and lion paw for arms and hands, two different wings that contradicted each other, and the leg of a donkey and lizard, but most of all it had a badass beard.

_Speaking of best villain, there he is in all it's glory._

It was the statue of Discord, the Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony. For some reason it was in the Everfree Forest and not in the Canterlot Gardens. I just walked up to it and picked it up and carried it with me because you never know when you would need a reality warper at your disposal, a philosophy that I followed dearly. With this I continued on my merry way to look for whoever I was looking for but who cares because I just found Discord as a statue.

_Now if I can just find Chrysalis and somehow get back Nightmare Moon then we can have an awesome adventure of epic perportions._

And so I continued on my merry way in hopes of finding Fluttershy.

**To be Continued again.**

_**My little Pony Friendship is Magic owned by Hasbro**_

_**But John Smith, That's me.**_


End file.
